“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

― Maya Angelou

Before coming to Sri Lanka (SL), I thought I knew what to expect. I figured SL has a similar culture to that of India. Dress appropriately, be respectful, don’t display affection in public and you’ll be somewhat free of the dirty stares people give you.  I was wrong! The dirty looks I’ve gotten in this country are unlike anywhere I’ve been. Confused? Let me break it down for you. Before I do that, let me state that not 100% of Sri Lankans fall into this category. I have met some lovely Sri Lankans during my trip that have treated me very sweetly and clarified any assumptions they may have had of me. The category that I am referring to are those who assume because of my super tanned skin colour, I am Sri Lankan and what in the world is a Sri Lankan woman doing with a white man?  I cannot specifically tell you what is going through their minds but I can tell you what I have experienced from their stares.

The way some of the men have stared at me has chilled me to the bone. If there was a staring contest, they would win, hands down. I do not know if as a reader you can understand what I am attempting to express unless you have felt it. Their stares made me feel ashamed. I felt as though I was doing something wrong. As a Sri Lankan woman (which of course I am not) I should not be roaming with a white man. You may be asking yourself, how do I know that this why they were staring at me? Because the single handed question I have been asked by many of these staring invidiuals, is ‘you Sri Lankan?’ And as soon as I dispel the reality they imagined in their mind, their attitude changes, almost immediately.

Usually it serves me quite well to look like a local. I usually get the best prices while shopping and people are rather nice. This rule has only applied for Sri Lanka when I am out and about alone. When I am with David the men are often condescending and downright rude. In fact, I have noticed something else – the men will only speak to David. Business in the country is conducted mostly by men. I havent seen any woman tuk tuk drivers, waiters or hotel staff. These are 99% of the time men. The few women I have seen, were in the tea plantations and a few guesthouse owners. If David and I are walking down the street, hauling a tuk tuk or ordering at a restaurant, the men 95% of the time will speak to David. I found this rather strange at first. A human being’s natural inclination is to go towards what they recognize. Now given that they assume I am Sri Lankan you would think they would talk to me – NOPE! I am totally ignored yet stared at from afar. I do not have a problem with people coming up to me and asking questions so that they can better understand what they are seeing but what get’s me really upset is that people make assumptions. It’s the mother of all chaos and it comes down to something that basic. If you see something you do not understand, question it. After traveling through much of Asia in these last ten months, I can attest that Sri Lanka is one of the places where I felt that women do not have the same privileges as men. Naturally, as a woman this saddens me and I have thought a lot about what little I could do to make a difference. So I speak up! I make myself be heard and do not let their silence towards me intimidate me. The only instrument of change I have is ME.